Doubts

Everywhere I look I see the ideas and paradigms, from which I have tried to break away, being projected in front of my face, as though teachers were standing over me with a stick, pointing out the ways I am failing by not conforming to the norm, I feel pressured to put off, even abandon, this foolhardy crusade. Discouragement sets in as I apparently stand still while everyone around me continues to work normal jobs, provide adequate means for themselves, and move forward in life. Months have gone by and I haven’t earned a cent. I haven’t even settled on a decent plan of action. What would make my situation attractive to anyone? What have I to offer society? Am I really working towards something or have I just stepped out of the stream, letting everyone go on ahead? I have no proof that I am going in the right direction to reach what I would call success. As I listen to certain messages coming up all around me, I begin to feel like this pursuit isn’t quite as important as I had imagined. I can’t tell if this is just me losing focus on my original vision or whether I am beginning to see things in a clearer light. What does the word of the Lord say? Trust not in the arm of the flesh. The rich cannot enter the Kingdom of God… Do these scriptures say that to have riches is bad? Job had quite the fortune, and after all was said and done, ended up with several times what he had before. Lehi was a respected and wealthy man. King Solomon was at one point the richest man in the world. Abraham, Joseph, were these men poor in the eyes of men? No. These examples trump the deduction that those who have material wealth are evil and will be damned. Of course, neither is wealth necessary for salvation. The world is full of people who find joy in life even though poverty afflicts them every day of their life. Will money make me happy? Not in itself, or I would do anything for money. Can I buy happiness and success? No. Why then is money important to me? I don’t want to have to stress and worry about paying bills. I want to be able to be there for my spouse and children, to teach and help and play with them instead of existing solely to bring groceries. They might as well be on food stamps if that were all I was good for. I want to be able to make a difference in people’s lives. I feel like I cannot do that as an average Joe. Why do I feel like this is too easy and too hard at the same time? I had decided to not follow the 97%. I will not go out to get a job to support myself. It’s not that I can’t. I feel confidant that I could get a job most anywhere on minimum wage. There are places that take just about anyone, I am able-bodied and plenty qualified. I feel like I could even get a job without a resume, but so far I haven’t felt it necessary to attempt. I will work for someone to help them out. I guess the real test is whether I can work for others without monetary compensation.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s